Quick, fast and in a hurry go see this movie. I am going back a second time because I just can't believe it. Check back Sunday night for my full review if you dare. LOL.

Ps. Milla is so hot! Maybe its Maybelline?

TDO

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Like the first audience to ever see The Rocky Horror Picture Show or the first audience seeing a John Waters film I felt that I was sitting at the beginning of a true crap classic. Ultraviolet is so bad...

"How bad is it?"

It's so bad, that it's kick ass funny. To say this movie was a mess is an understatement; this movie is so bad that I have never laughed so hard at a bad film and felt so damn good about it. Let alone too stand outside of the men's room and chat up two women who equally found it so over the top and at the bottom at the same time still continuing to still fall apart, helped along with a few able comments from me of coarse.

"Isn't it obvious..."

I found that Ultraviolet was actually worth the seven fifty "I" paid for the ticket. (Incidentally Dugh I'll give you the money later... maybe. lol)

At first I was dumbfounded like any want to be writer trying to make sense or predict where the plot elements were going and as they set a coarse that I could see and understand they would jump the track so desperately that I was struck funny with the giggles. The kind you get when a stuck up person finally takes that ironic fall. But I really didn't start to let it rip until I heard Dugh's signature sigh uttered at a low and mournful groan...

"...oh god...."

Mixed in that one sigh I felt was a kindred shame, regret, awe, embarrassment and a measure of pity that this project ever even got made by such a hot actress.

And believe me she was definitely supermodel hot in her painted on color shifting spandex. For me that sigh was all I need. I laughed so hard it broke something in the audience and we were all in it together. So that during the supposed heart felt moment when

Ultraviolet asks the dirty looking vampire geek why he brought her back from the dead and he responded with: "Isn't it obvious." And Millia just turns blank face leaving him standing there; his heart ripped out she just goes with out even a word... that was so cold-blooded, and so funny at the same time that I'm glad it wasn't me.

Man you know its bad when a vampire geek gets shutdown so hard! That not even in the afterlife can he get laid, damn- LOL

I knew I had a winner and it was off to the races the trickle of a crowd were laughing so hard that it just kept feeding on itself and from then on it was just a ride. Every cliche', every hokey line, and every action movie you had ever seen was some how represented in this new cult classic and soon to be Raspberry Award winning film.

Here is only a few movie elements borrowed from other films:

• Gloria: With Geena Davis, the unwanted/ wanted kid burden

• Superman 2: With Chris Reeves and Margott Kidder " Don't you know this is killing me?" like line..."Isn't it obvious"

• Lethal Weapon: Mel's suicide scene

• Underworld Kate's groundbreaking landings and smooth exits

• The Matrix: The gravity defying exploitsand wire works.

• The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions: The entire nonsensical plot aspect and absence of reason and motivation.

• Blade: Ultra hip vampires/mafia mythos

• Electra: Crazy unexplained ninja fighting and sword work

And believe me when I say the list goes on and on.

Ultraviolet like Electra was a movie that had all the promise of a good film: a hot actress, cool visuals and killer fights; but it straddled the fence of being good or bad by its execution alone. A few flip of the coin choices and either film could have been good. But where Electra was simple and took no risks it was boring, bland and ultimately bad.

Ultraviolet flipped all heads up and went for it with so much gusto that though it is clearly a bad film; it is very entertaining just because of it sheer moxy at trying to pass itself off as a real effort. Like a kid who tries to tell you off but is so inept at it that it becomes more cute and funny then it ever would be offensive or angering. LOL

Seriously what I did like was the inventive technology; I could watch the bullets load in the micro flat guns all day. Visually it was cool and clean . A tad too cgi-ey but acceptable in this day and age.

I am not going to say Ultraviolet is a must see; but I am going to try and trick as many of my friends into seeing it as possible so that I can watch their sense of horror and sheer dumbfoundedness at how this crap fest ever got made.

Or at the very least watch with a split gut as their opinion of my movie watching abilities crumble to the ground in a laughing fit. And then see at what point they really start to get the joke, that this movie never intended, but is surely there for all the viewing. Hot damn that was a fun film and like a good fart joke; I am going back, too see it again. Yeah it's juveniel- but hey, when do you really get a chance to see a really funny stinker this bad. LOL

So when you see this in the theater or on dvd please pop back here and let me know what other movies themes were ripped off and if you had as good a time as I did.

TDO

I like this post!

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I like Jesus and green tea enema, to.

:)

I'm not surprised it sucked. I have never seen anything this actress has been in that was any good. Sure, Resident Evil was entertaining, but it still sucked pretty hard. Joan of Arc...or The Messenger, whatever ... ABSOLUTE CRAP. How about that shitfest called The Fifth Element. That's right defiant boy! I'm on your site, punking you're stupid crapslinging movies that truly are garabage.

Oh yeah...
So good it hurts... or is that supposed to be so bad it was funny? I wrote up my review here and it's not too different in opinion, though I'm not so obvious about trying to trick my friends into seeing it. At least not until it comes out on DVD for Geek Night.